Resblog

I love writing deltas in my lab notebook in lieu of the word change, it’s too bad I can’t type a delta (not seeing any font change to greek options here). I also prefer in lieu to instead.

The only things to change since I last posted are my attitude in general (better) and how I feel after running 2-3 miles (better). Although I haven’t pushed beyond 2.5 to 3 miles because the weather decided to turn hot this week, right when I was comfortable at 2-3 miles again. I think I need to invest in a sweat band. Part of the reason I stop is because I’m blinded by sweat pouring down my face. Mostly just because it’s humid and I can’t breathe though.

I guess you could say the money issue was made worse by the $800 brake repair but I’ve already accepted that and moved on. I’m just happy to have working brakes again. You don’t notice how much they’re impaired (as opposed to just noisy) when the deterioration is slow.

But part of meeting my resolutions means I don’t always have the time or energy to update here. I’m still poor and am about to face the summer, that time of year when the amount of taxes withheld from my paycheck doubles. I’ll have to cut way back on some things. This fun little trick of the university is actually the reason I am very poor instead of poor, since I made my budget to fit the monthly income during the semester.

Anyway, I’m hoping to make this a short term problem by finishing up my PhD as soon as possible. Which, at this point, may be something like 2 years. Since it took my advisor 5 weeks to give me a thesis project, after the committee rejected my original proposal, I’m thinking that my best efforts won’t shave more than 6 months off this time line. On that note, I’m adding a new resolution: I will work at least 10 hours every day during the week and some amount of time (TBD, ~5 hours maybe each day) on the weekend. This is really formally outlining what I do most days and expanding it to every day. Hopefully I can catch up this summer to where I should be and things will be easier when the semester starts. I’d still like to TA a semester or two but I need to feel more confident in my knowledge and abilities before then. At least I know now that my advisor’s real value is helping me develop the pedigree to get a good post doc and not helping me become a good scientist so much. Others in the lab will help with that and he and boss jr can pat themselves on the back all they want without messing me up so much.

So, this bundle of work cuts short my relaxing time which doesn’t bode well for making a dent in my reading list. I’m trying to be regimental with my time this summer, sleeping no more than 6 hours during the week and 8 on the weekend, working out 4-5 days a week, using my time constructively when I do have relaxing time (ie no tv).

I don’t really want to talk about work any more, lets just say it’s stressful and makes me question my ability to have a career. Despite that I’m doing well on being more laid back and such.

The conference I went to a few weeks ago totally messed up my workout schedule. For the weeks bracketing my trip I was too busy to work out and for the week I was gone I managed to use the ellipticals 3 times but this severely effected my ability to run for real in warm weather. In other words, I was up to 3.5 miles and was knocked down to a painful 2. I am back up to 2.5 but I’d really like to get to 3 again this week. I had just made 3.5 before the trip so that hurdle will be a little harder.

I also need to add more fruits and veggies to my diet. Fresh stuff is expensive, sadly. Still cheaper than meat though. I love meat but I might have to be a (quasi) financial vegetarian. This should help with the flab loss too. Frustratingly, I didn’t eat any more than usual while I was running more but I didn’t lose weight either. I actually ate out too much in February and gained 5 lbs, so that was the exception, but I’ve lost that and an additional 2 lbs in the last 6 weeks. I know exactly what helped too, being too nervous to eat before my thesis committee meeting and too depressed to eat after. I lost most of the 5 lbs that day.

Bottom line is that I’m doing well, yet I have miles to go before I sleep, etc. It’s almost June, eek.

What I lack in frequency in posting I make up for in volume of each post.

Wow, so it’s been 3 weeks. My time has been absolutely flying by. If only my productiveness felt proportional. Anyway, without further ado—
1/2. The running and exercising have been ok. I’d like more time to work out but I would like more time for a lot of things. I should be up to 3.5 miles on a regular basis shortly. I am not, however, losing weight or toning up in the ab/ass region. I blame Nessa. It’s totally sympathy weight. My thighs are fabulous though and my arms are rocking.

3. I am so very poor. I’ve been keeping track of how much money goes where this past month though and hopefully that will help. I think the major problem is that I don’t make enough to have wiggle room in my budget and not that I’m irresponsible. When I get out of grad school though I’ll be able to have a car and an apartment and food, all at the same time. Things to look forward too! I’ll try cutting back on food since I’m getting older and don’t need as many calories anyway.

4. Things are still stressful a lot but I’m really trying to stay calm and fix what I can and ignore/accept what I cannot. I also try to relax and enjoy some free time before I crash for the night.

so…i am totally resolved to do many things. i have been meaning to get them up here for a while; i think meg must have been feeling lonely all up in here with her badass. things i want to work on:
1) being more comfortable w. loneliness. somewhere around 21 i became completely phobic of solitary time. it’s gotten really bad–i can’t go out alone and i rarely can function without the knowledge that i will not be alone. i need to change this. i am trying slowly working my way to taking more time outs and down time. there’s been this adjacent problem of double and triple booking–like, “oh we should hang out,” and then i invite other people to do whatever it is we are doing. i think it’s the need to be but not be the social center superstar or whatevs. i need to not do this also. one-on-one time and lone time is a must have.
2) gym. but for me.
3) less clothing.
4) less extravagance now and more travel. i think i fritter away too much effort/time/money/mental energy on the hit et nunc when i should be sparing it for later. and i certainly need to travel back to germany. soon.
5) being a better long-distance friend. i have a hard time doing this. i get busy. i put things off.
6) less internet. funny i am writing this on an internet blog, but it’s totally true. ebay–this one’s lookin your way.

Let’s see. On the exercise front I’m doing well. The charity challenge log has helped me keep better track of my exercising. On average the past three weeks I’ve exercised for 5.7 hours a week. I have also reached 3 miles in my regular jogging routine. I think this is good considering these weeks include a weekend up north and a week of exercising outside. Speaking of which, I calibrated the pedometer I got as part of the charity challenge and hit about 7000 steps a day this weekend. I think I got a few hundred more than that but I took it off for just walking around the house because the clip was irritating my hip. I think I also ran about 4 miles on Saturday because I had calibrated it to my walking pace instead, not wanting to run in my apartment. I fixed that though when I got home. I got an idea of how off I was by knowing how long it takes me to run 3 miles and checked that against the one wall that I measured. I should’ve remembered that running in my apartment is easy, my upstairs neighbors do it all the time.

Despite all this running I think I’ve actually gained 2-3lbs since the new year. Not muscle. Except maybe my arms, but there is not an extra pound of muscle per arm since January. I think I’m eating too much at dinner since I don’t really snack and my breakfasts and lunches are small-average sized. I think that the normal calorie intake for an adult woman is somewhere between 1500 and 2000 a day, which I am usually not going over, but apparently I need to cut down further. Again, this is about being my healthiest and not conforming to the ridiculous skeleton standards of beauty these days.

I’m doing ok on the money front too. I’ve spent a bit on gifts for people and probably too much eating out but that should subside for a while. I made a big/expensive trip to the grocery store yesterday so that food should last me a while. Hopefully most of the month. I might have to be somewhat vegetarian because meat is so expensive. Which is a bummer. I bought myself a new spring/summer outfit and that’s about it since buying Anchorman, which was subsidized by a gift certificate. Still, I made my budget on my initial salary which has been decreased $100-300 a month (roughly, depending on whether the semester is going on or not) and I’m not getting money back from my taxes so things are a bit tight. I’d like to do better though, as with everything, so I’ll see what I can cut back on.

The quarter life crisis is in control, I think. It’s tough having just about every part of your life go crazy at once and leave you little resources to fix it. I think accepting that my parents and others will always see me as the perfect child (or whatever) while simulataneously seeing me as a selfish person out to hurt them with every second of my day/complete incompetent/whatever helps. Nothing I’ve tried has really helped that so it’s just up to them. It’s like the whole world is dissociative. But I’d rather not focus on this too much. It is good that I’m getting a handle on things though. Hopefully I can get my share of craptacular life experiences out of the way now so that things will be relatively smooth from say, 25 to old age. :-)

Some lab mates and I registered for a fitness charity challenge this week. The idea is that you’ll record your exercise as a team (no need to actually work out together) and at the end of the period of time the top 3 teams will split up the money collected ($5 a person) among 3 local charities. The hospital’s goal is to get people fit while also benefitting charities. We are supposedly getting pedometers to help quantitate our exercise, so I’m excited about that. Providing that they work. I think sometimes they’re hit or miss. The only thing is, and I just realized this now, that we’re going for an entire two months. TWO MONTHS. I thought it was for a week. Oops. Anyway, this should totally help with my resolutions to lose weight and increase my jogging distance. I’ll probably be in pain this week though since I was completely irresponsible last week and only worked out twice. (If you consider a week Sunday-Saturday. If you go Monday-Sunday, work week through weekend, then it was once.) I partly blame work and partly blame freakout and Sam’s visit. Anywho, you can check out the parameters for the charity challenge here.

Even though this blog hasn’t caught on so much yet I like having to have some place to report to. So it’s working for me at least. :)

My advisor finally got around to handing out our Christmas presents the other day. And by got around I mean he can move now. He gave us gift certificates to Barnes and Noble again, which is awesome but is also really evil for people who are just encouraged to spend way more than the gift certificate, such as myself. I managed to keep the total to about $45 with a $20 gift certificate which is quite impressive for me. I think part of the reason for that is that I didn’t actually purchase any books. I went in knowing that my reading list is enormous and that I wasn’t going to purchase any paperbacks that I could get any time, just hardcovers. Probably a hardcover of a new release. So, since I had a hard time deciding what to get without having read a review of some of the books and knowing that any history/nonfiction would lengthen my reading list more than a fiction book I decided on a CD and DVD. Jimmy Eat World (Futures) and Anchorman, if you’re interested. I think this definitely falls under the trying to spend less resolution, although if my reading list were shorter I’d probably have the new godfather book, guns, germs and steel, a biography or two and a book on the politics and history of the US from the civil war to vietnam (or later). At least my fiction authors didn’t have new anything out. :) Reading is great.

I just returned from purchasing some new running shoes. I realized it had been a year since I bought new running shoes and since I’ve worn this pair of sneakers quite a bit beyond the miles I’ve logged running in them I figured that even though they still felt fine, they probably wouldn’t after I wore shoes that still had support. You can see them here. If you click on the gray/blue color square you can see the actual color shoes I have. I’m hoping this will help my running, perhaps help my time or endurance. Or even just help with the aches I sometimes have in my knees when I’m stretching afterwards. Although that could be from stretching itself or just because I pushed myself running. Anyway, I got a great deal, $25 off, because of a sale they’ve been having so I’m thankful for that.

I’m a little more bummed about the price of the socks I also got today too, though not the socks themselves. They were on sale and decently priced for nike and adidas brand but 9 pairs were about half the price of the shoes. Even Hanes brand, which I also sometimes get, are a bit much if you think about it. But a large portion of my socks decided to get holes in the last laundry cycle, like honestly about 4 or 5 pairs, so I definitely need some new pairs. They’re comfortable too, as new socks should be, I just think that 6 pair of socks should be in the $3-4 range and not twice, thrice or quadruple that. This was all just to work in the word thrice. :)

I’m also excited about a few shirts I bought as well. They’re Sesame Street ringer tees, $9 each. They were also on sale so I basically got two for the price of one. I chose the orange Cookie Monster, of course, as well as the blue Elmo shirt with ticklish written across it. I hesitated for a moment about Elmo because of the massive over exposure in high school (I blame Rosie O’Donnell) but really if you knew how ticklish I am you’d understand that I really should have this shirt. Plus I really like ringer tees, especially the light cotton breathable fabric they frequently come in. I just realized I also have a brown Oscar the Grouch ringer tee with scram written on it. Sesame Street is so cool.

Anywho, everything was on sale and the only possible splurge items were the shirts so I don’t think I really broke the spending less resolution. I was born in New England so I sometimes have a puritanical view of things, like I should deny myself of all extras if I’m trying to save money, but on the other hand I got two shirts for $18 that I’ll wear frequently and I haven’t spent anything on myself since some book shopping in October, except for some things I purchased with birthday and Christmas money.

I’m actually looking forward to my next run to try out the new shoes. :) Yay! I’m also glad that I had choices this time, the past few times I went sneaker shopping the selection was limited, but that’s a whole other kind of blog entry.

I suppose my first post on this site should involve divulging my resolutions. Two aren’t really New Year’s resolutions in that I’ve been attempting to do these things for some time now and didn’t first resolve to do them on the new year. One is also an ongoing resolution, but more personal. I do take stock at the new year and amend this resolution. And the last is completely a standard NYR. In no particular order …

1) Spend less money. It’s not that I’m extravagant now or really even in the past but as I am still a student I am still poor. I need to focus on the little purchases that add up. The bag of chips at the grocery store, the snack from the vending machine, etc. I should also try to eat out/order in an average of once a week and bake cookies instead of purchasing them, etc. The details are simply the means to the end and aren’t important specifically.

2) Lose weight. If you know me you can shut it. I don’t think I’m overweight, I know I’m thin and my current work out routine and diet keeps me healthy. And by diet I mean the amount and types of food I eat, not atkins versus south beach. I have, however, been battling a slowing metabolism for about 4-5 years now. I thought the 5-7 pounds I gained in the 2003 holiday season was just that but after bumping up my workout and maintaining the same diet I have not yet lost that weight. I figure that losing 10-12 lbs should get rid of my flab and allow me to display what I believe are sweet abs. I’m not sure, but they feel like the rock hard/flat stomach with a little muscle definition abs and not the crazy woman wrestler doused in vaseline abs. Anyway, the goal is to lose the flab so gaining muscle weight in the process is not a problem.

3) Be able to run 5 miles in a work out session. I currently run 2 miles each time I work out, 3-5 times a week. I also do stretching and pilates for about 45 minutes. I’d like to continue at the pace I’m currently at but just increase my distance. I get bored while running and am terribly slow so a long term goal would be to jog even longer distances and then improve my times on those but I’m trying to be realistic here. Also running 5 miles several times a week does take a bit of time so I am considering that as well.

4) Perhaps because of family situations, perhaps because of simply maturing, I recognize bad habits/attitudes that I have and make a new year’s resolution to actively change them. I’ve done this for a few years now and I have gotten a few comments from people (mostly unexpected sources). The goal is to be a happier and better person. To let the person I know I am actually show to others. To feel like me more often. I think I started hiding myself a bit when I entered school and was teased for clearly being a geek. Even though I’ve long been comfortable with myself as a geek 21 years later I still have some of those masking habits and I’d like to move away from that. If this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry, this resolution is going to be difficult to quantitate anyway. If it does make sense I have already explained enough. :)

So there we go. I briefly considered a resolution to seek out and wear hats for more stylistic purposes than simply functional (winter hat, cap at a football game, etc.) but that conflicts a little with #1. Plus I’m not sure that I can pull off hats. Or that I want to bow to trends. I guess I’ll just be open to hats I see while shopping.

This is Resblog. The idea is simple: People are more likely to stick to their resolutions (New Year’s or otherwise) if they are monitored by friends, enemies, and even (or is it especially?) strangers. This will be a group blog, so look forward to more posters.